Wasted

Precious non-renewable resource of my mind my sanity my kindness my pride
To you
Who
Ever might on a whim or a bad trip or another sip
Destroy me
Threaten my life for free
Then confront my gasps for air with more
Of Your problems.

Why do I think so little of myself?
Why do I let you dictate whether I stay or leave?
I cry and you put up walls to save yourself while you keep out my voice again, again
I will never be heard.

I don’t need your permission to value my voice.
Though admittedly
I would like it
It would help.
But no, you say:
This is about me.
Except when
It is convenient
Or dare I say
Bolsters one at the total expense of another
Even the beloved
Whose ox has been gored here?

Do
Not
Disturb
An idea in its infancy
I guess the idea’s mother
(Who is I)
Solely tasked with its upbringing.
I can’t hear myself think
Takes all of me to ask someone to respect my boundaries. But they blast right through.
And I bend
And destroy self, and creation
Dies before it lives.

I always do this always do this I
Let myself fall away, deteriorate,
Die
In order to catch you
Delight in the chance to lift you up
Really care
Isn’t this love?
No
It is suicide

You don’t get it, and you won’t,
And I know because I have tried.
Respect for myself now is
Goodbye